Confident Child – Raising a confident child—it’s one of those things that sounds so simple in theory, right? Like, just tell them they’re awesome and they’ll grow up believing it. But anyone who’s actually had kids knows it’s a lot more complicated than that. Trust me, I’ve been there, and I’ve learned a thing or two (the hard way) about how to build a child’s confidence. If you’re like me and want to raise a child who feels strong, capable, and ready to face the world, here are five strategies that helped me—some lessons learned through trial, error, and even a few tears.
How to Raise a Confident Child: 5 Key Strategies
1. Model Confidence Yourself
This one is huge, and I can’t emphasize it enough. Kids learn more from what they see than what they’re told. I didn’t realize how much my own confidence—or lack thereof—was impacting my child until I took a step back and really looked at my actions. When I would talk down about myself, like “Ugh, I’m terrible at this,” my kid would pick up on that energy. It wasn’t even verbal—just the way I carried myself, the way I approached challenges.
I remember one instance where I was struggling with a new work project. I started to get frustrated and made a sarcastic comment about how I wasn’t good at the task. My daughter, who was about seven at the time, turned to me and said, “But Mom, you can do anything you set your mind to!” I paused, and realized, she was repeating my own words back to me—but she’d also picked up on my self-doubt. That was a wake-up call.
So, here’s the thing: if you want your child to be confident, you’ve got to be confident in yourself first. Model positive self-talk, show them how to handle setbacks with grace, and let them see you try new things—even when you’re scared. They’ll start to mirror that behavior and adopt those same attitudes.
2. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results
This strategy was a game-changer for me. I used to focus a lot on my child’s grades or accomplishments. “Great job on that A!” or “Wow, you’re the fastest at soccer!” And, sure, celebrating results is important. But, after a while, I noticed something troubling. When she didn’t get the grade she wanted or failed at something, her confidence took a nosedive. It was like the only thing that validated her was winning.
I had to shift my focus to praise her effort, resilience, and hard work, rather than just the outcome. So, when she’d come home with a B on a test, instead of saying, “Great job,” I’d say, “I can see how much effort you put into studying for this test—well done!” It was about helping her understand that trying, learning, and growing mattered more than perfection.
Kids need to know that failing doesn’t mean they’re failures—it’s just part of the journey. And when they’re praised for trying hard, their sense of self-worth builds up, regardless of whether they get the A or the trophy. It gives them the confidence to keep going, even when things don’t go their way.
3. Let Them Make Mistakes
This one is tough—at least it was for me. As a parent, I just wanted to protect my kid from every hurt, every failure. But I learned the hard way that shielding them from mistakes doesn’t do them any favors in the long run. Mistakes are how we learn, and how our confidence grows. If you’re constantly rescuing your child from every setback, you’re taking away the opportunity for them to learn resilience and problem-solving.
I remember the first time I let my daughter take the lead on a project for school. She was so excited but also nervous. She didn’t know exactly what to do at first, and honestly, I wanted to jump in and help. But instead, I stood back. She made mistakes—like, major ones. But you know what? She fixed them herself, and by the end of it, she felt like a champion. That project became one of her proudest moments, because she had faced challenges and learned from them.
It’s important to let your child experience the full range of emotions that come with mistakes—frustration, disappointment, and the satisfaction of solving a problem. Every time they handle a challenge, big or small, their confidence grows.
4. Encourage Independence and Decision-Making
Another confidence booster? Giving your child the power to make decisions. It might seem small, but allowing your kid to make choices helps them feel in control of their life—and that builds their self-confidence. Now, I’m not talking about letting them decide major life issues (please don’t let your six-year-old choose their school’s curriculum), but giving them age-appropriate choices on a daily basis can work wonders.
For example, I started letting my daughter choose her own clothes when she was about five. Sure, it was messy at first—she wanted to wear a tutu with rain boots—but the more she was allowed to make decisions, the more confident she became in her own judgment. It’s the same with other small things: picking out what snack they want, choosing an activity, or deciding how to spend their free time.
The key is to offer them options and let them experience the consequences of those decisions. If they choose the wrong snack and feel sick later, that’s a learning moment. If they choose the right outfit and get compliments, that’s a confidence boost.
5. Be There to Support, Not to Fix
I get it—sometimes we want to fix everything for our kids. If they’re upset or struggling, it feels natural to want to jump in and solve the problem. But being there to support them, rather than fixing things, helps them build the confidence to tackle challenges on their own.
There was a time when my daughter was struggling with a friendship issue. She was upset, and my first instinct was to call the other parent and resolve it. But after talking it through with her, I realized she didn’t need me to fix the situation. What she needed was for me to listen, validate her feelings, and help her come up with her own solution. When she worked through it herself, she felt proud and empowered. And that confidence stayed with her.
At the end of the day, it’s about being a sounding board, not a problem-solver. It’s about showing your child that they have the ability to handle life’s challenges on their own, which, trust me, will make them feel like they can take on the world.
Wrapping It Up: Building Confidence Is a Journey
Raising a confident child isn’t something that happens overnight—it’s a process. It takes patience, consistency, and sometimes, stepping back when you’d rather step in. But with a little effort, you can help your child build the confidence they need to navigate life’s ups and downs. And trust me, when they start to believe in themselves, you’ll see the world open up for them in ways you never expected. So, hang in there, be patient with both yourself and your child, and know that you’re doing an amazing job!
